Life can be disorienting. A huge source of strength for me is having an idea where I might turn when—not if—a challenge arises.

My journal is a space I can turn to in the day-to-day. The page will catch me.

In my family’s checking and savings accounts, we maintain certain balances and don’t touch anything below those made-up numbers. That way the reserves are there to catch us when we need them.

I have a yoga mat at home. I don’t practice regularly, but any time I want, I roll it out, and there it is—to catch me.

This is how I approach a “word of the year.” Rather than trying to capture something about the year that’s ending or to predict what’s to come, a word of the year offers an anchor for the year to come. It might be an invitation, a touchstone, or an aspiration.

My word for 2023 was “here.” Fall 2022 had been tough. I was being pulled out of the present all the time. Depression would drag me into that past in rumination. Anxiety would strand me in the future, in worry.

I was looking forward to finding some peace and comfort. The present is where we live. It’s the only place to experience joy—it’s the only place it’s possible.

I wanted to get more comfortable just being here. I wanted to get better at relaxing. I wanted to enjoy what I could and learn to navigate what I couldn’t.

Just being okay being here was what I was aspiring to. Seemed reasonable to give myself at least a year to work on it, ha!

I reviewed my journals and some notes I’d made in a pocket calendar throughout the year. Here are some of the things that the word came to mean:

• For the first few months of 2023, I was coming to trust that there’s time. There’s time to be here. The dishes will still be there later, no matter how much I think about them or wonder when the optimal time to do them is or worry about what I should be doing instead of them. A lot of what happens in my brain that feels like intentionality does not actually save me time and in fact pulls me out of the present. My thoughts started shifting.
• Spring brought some challenges, from seasonal allergy attacks to wild PMS (another kind of seasonal attack, huh?). Being here came to mean taking comfort wherever I could get it. A nap, a soothing drink. A big stretch of my whole body. A particular beam of sunlight warming a patch of carpet. Comfort is abundant when you get in the habit of paying attention. I also came to realize that I don’t have a choice about taking care of myself: it’s a nonnegotiable if I would like to continue to be here.
• We traveled a lot in the summer, which was a gift. It’s easy to “stay present” when you’re on the road, because the environment becomes new and fresh, your brain is scanning and taking in so much.
• By the time we got home and fall arrived, my word started asking big questions of me. “What is it that I want here?” At this stage of life? From this life as a whole? From my home? From my relationships?

Here in December, “here” is the place I show up for myself. “Being here” means I commit to what I need and what I want. Today, I claim space for what matters to me. I do not come up with as many stories to defend or explain my choices. I owe a lot less to others than I once thought I did.

Being here is too precious an opportunity.

And being here, being myself, is the best gift I could give to anyone else, anyway.

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It occurs to me that I may have chosen my word for 2023 from a place of fear.

I have some awful memories of what post-partum depression did to my sense of time when my kiddo was tiny. I remember telling my therapist, over and over, that I had the sensation that I knew exactly where I’d been, how I’d been spending my time, but I looked back at my memories of recent history as if they were not mine. My body had been there, and I know it had been there, but I hadn’t been there. I was missing things.

How was that possible? And why was I so disoriented?

Short version: depression and anxiety. Longer version: it’s not possible to relax by trying really, really hard to relax. I didn’t know how to do that, and I fought with my brain and judged myself for a long time before I learned how to relax. I had to figure out that relaxing isn’t another “thing to do”—it’s a version of letting go of “things to do.”

So when my mental health was tanking in late 2022, I was having flashbacks to those PPD, out-of-body feelings. I was tightening up, even as I was remembering what tightening up would do to me.

I guess my word of the year was a permission slip I wrote to myself. I used affirmations and mantras and all those sorts of things in meditation, or when I couldn’t sleep.

“Caitie, you are allowed to relax.”

“Caitie, you are allowed to rest.”

“Caitie, the dishes will be there tomorrow. None of the work is going anywhere. They can wait for you. They don’t need you this second.”

By choosing the word “here,” I assigned myself the present moment. I’m allowed to just be here.

Looking forward to 2024, I’m feeling a shift. Now that I know that 1) “here” is where I live and that 2) there is plenty of time for the things that matter, I’m feeling more bold.

My word of the year for 2024 is “create.” I think I’m coming to this from a less fearful place than I was in 2023. When I write it, “create” makes me feel excited and energetic, bubbly, giggly, intrigued and curious.

I think this choice will…

• challenge my notions of productivity (and what worth and identity have or don’t have to do with it!)
• keep me rooted in play, curiosity, and exploration
• make use of the resources I have and help me find new ones
• connect me to others through generosity and sharing
• surprise me!

But stay tuned. There are no rules here, no telling where this takes me. We’ll just have to find out.

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Will you be picking a word for 2024?

The pick itself doesn’t matter so much. You can’t really get this exercise wrong. If the word starts feeling like a dud, that’s an opportunity. What does this thing mean to me? What did I want out this?

Wrestle with it.

What have you got to lose?

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For some more examples, here are some of the other contenders I had for my 2024 “Word of the Year”:

• Listen
• Deep
• Out loud
• Align
• Step
• Invite
• Share
• Celebrate
• Whole
• Connect
• Wish
• Dream
• Learn

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